Aiming in the Dark

  

Recently, to celebrate our five-month wedding anniversary, my husband and I went to a local archery range. We had a lot of fun and learned a lot about the sport - but I wasn't anticipating the biggest lesson that has been working its way deep into my bones ever since. 

The photo on the left represents my best effort; the one on the right, my husband's. Not that surprising - unless you know that my husband is legally blind, and was shooting  from the same distance as me. While he could generally see the target area and the colors, he was unable to "take aim" by sighting along the arrow as I did. He's also not significantly more experienced than me. While he did do archery at the academy for the blind he attended in middle school, he hasn't fired an arrow since. I shot with my brother during his Boy Scout years. We were both essentially newbies. 

Yet I watched in amazement, hearing his solid "thuds" piercing the target while many of mine landed on the floor. I soon realized the difference: While I was focusing on lining up with the target, he was of necessity focusing on the fundamentals. He had absorbed quickly every lesson on how to hold the bow, align the arrow, position his hands, and fire. I had to be reminded multiple times of each basic lesson. 

As I processed this, a spiritual truth began to emerge: When we have times of darkness, of uncertainty, of a lack of clarity about what to do, we will have much better aim when we are solid in our fundamentals. Not every problem we face will have a "chapter and verse" answer from Scripture. Sometimes we have to take what we know to do, line up the "shot", take aim, pull back, and make the decision. Sometimes we will go in a direction and realize we are off target; the fundamentals will help us line up and try again. 

So what are these fundamentals? Certainly, they include the basic doctrines of our faith. Settling questions in times of clarity can help us hold firmly to truth in times of struggle. Those who know me know I don't shy away from these questions - and I don't think you should either. Long ago, I dealt with basic questions about the authority and inerrancy of Scripture; from there I delved into the deity and humanity of Jesus, the Trinity, the attributes of God. To be clear, I didn't have all these questions answered when I started walking with the Lord. The moment of salvation for me was the beginning of a process of knowing and understanding Him. But I did spend several years digging into these questions to settle the fundamentals. If you haven't done so, I urge you to ask the questions. My Bible 101 series is designed to help you gain confidence in God's Word so you can dig in to deeper questions like these. 

Beyond doctrine, however, there are fundamentals that should be part of our Christian walk. Daily communion with the Lord through prayer, worship, and Scripture helps to orient me. I can't even attempt to aim in the dark if I'm not facing the right direction! The dailyness of my relationship with Him keeps me heading in the right general direction, and positions me to receive from His Word general principles or specific truths relevant to my situation. Regular gathering with other believers, sitting under the preaching of a Gospel-centered pastor, keeps me from veering off to one side or the other. Those deeper relationships that develop within the body act like the instructor at our class, reminding me of the fundamentals, encouraging or correcting me as needed, and celebrating my successful aim. They can't pull the bow for me, but they can do everything possible to help me aim well. They help me know truth by which I can better discern error. 

As we grow in our relationship with the Lord, the times we feel we are "aiming in the dark" may actually increase. I am convinced this is one way that He helps us understand we are progressing with Him. Just as a parent provides a toddler much more explicit guidelines in decision-making ("you can pick this shirt or that one") than they do a teenager ("what electives do you plan to take?"), so God grows us in our ability to discern and sense His guidance. However, no matter how mature we become, we will never lose our need for the fundamentals. In fact, as our archery class taught me, the dimmer my view of the target, the more important the fundamentals become.

Lesson from Caregiving #1: Being the Body

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2) 

Readers of this blog know that our family has been going through a difficult season. There is so much I want to share that I am learning through this time, but the demands of each day, coupled with fatigue and my need to process, have made it hard to put the lessons into words. I'm determined to make an effort, though, because I firmly believe that I don't fully learn a lesson until I communicate it to someone else. 

The background: For the second time in my adult life, I have entered into a season of caregiving. Those who have been in this role know there is a difference between helping someone out and actually having the role of primary caregiver. Despite your best efforts, it becomes consuming. It can easily become your primary identity, the thing you think of first when meeting someone new or introducing yourself to a group. It's full of challenges and rewards that no one can understand without actually walking this journey. 

The difficult part about this caregiving season is that it's not the season I expected. My husband and I were the primary caregivers for his mom for several years prior to her death in 2007. I fully anticipated a repeat of that for my parents as they aged, or at least for one of them after the other went to be with the Lord. While they are aging and do need extra care and attention, in God's perfect will and sovereignty the caregiving season He called me to is for my husband. My sweet, loving, generous, funny, caring, chatty, effusive, God-centered husband was diagnosed with dementia last year, confirming suspicions of over a year and a half. To say that I was blindsided is an understatement. I felt body-slammed. Still do, some days. Some of the more recent posts on this blog were written in the depths of that diagnosis as I felt my world spinning out of control. There were many days I held on to a John 6:68 faith, not because it made me feel good but because I had nowhere else to turn. By God's grace, I landed on my feet and grew increasingly assured that even when I'm not holding on to Him, He's holding on to me. 

While all of that struggle was happening in my spirit, my husband's condition was worsening quickly. He went from diagnosis, to unable to drive, to needing someone to check in on him while I was working, to needing full time companion care, all in less than a year. We still haven't figured out everything we need to make it work with me working full time and trying to stretch out FMLA through the full year. I have a lot of support from his kids but they do not live locally. So I did the only thing I knew to do - I made the need known. And I learned a beautiful lesson. 

The body of Christ stepped up in a big way. Our church rallied and soon I had a mom of six taking him on her errands and entertaining her four year old; a single mom hanging out with him every afternoon before her son got home; a young dad taking time to walk and even bringing him over to spend the day with his family. A friend who works 60+ hours a week spent a rare day off hanging out with him. Other friends brought food or ran errands, and countless prayed, listened, and gave much needed hugs. The extended body of Christ stepped in as well - a dear, long-time friend first volunteered her husband for some household tasks and an outing, and then used her gift of connection to introduce us to a retired nurse who is volunteering two full days a week. A co-worker's husband took him to his church group a few times. On a desperate day when there was no coverage, a church friend's mom (who attends a different church) came over for the day. And I am sure I am forgetting something in the midst of all this! 

Why do I share this? Because I think we sometimes need a practical example of what it looks like to do as Paul wrote - "Carry one another's burdens." Yes, we do that in prayer. But when we pray, we should always be willing to become part of the answer to our own prayers. All of these people were willing, and it has been a powerful and beautiful - not to mention humbling - experience.

Here is just a snippet of what I have learned about asking for and giving help through this process: 

• Ask. That might go without saying, but it really must be said, because so many fail to get help because no one knows it is a need. Scripture is filled with examples of Godly people who asked for help! 
• Be specific. I know this can be a challenge, because sometimes you don't know what you even need. But as much as possible, be specific about what the needs are. "I need someone from 9-2 on Monday and Thursday" is a lot more clear than, "I need someone to come over." I started a Facebook group for those providing regular help, in order to communicate schedules and plans for each week. But I also tried to share specific needs as they developed outside that group as well, sharing in our church prayer group and occasionally more broadly.
• Be flexible. Be willing to have the plans change, for someone to share the responsibility with someone else, for it to look different than you would do it. 
• Be honest. When you ask someone for help it is typically because there is a challenge involved! Be honest about what it  is. Honesty prepares them for what they will face, equips them to do the job, and encourages them that they are not the only one facing challenges. 
• Be thankful. Thank those assisting in many ways - verbally, and if appropriate financially or with thank you cards. Somehow, make sure they know you appreciate them. This can be hard, since you are probably tired, but it is so encouraging to someone who sacrificed for you. 
• Be receptive. Be willing to receive the unexpected help. If someone randomly calls that they are bringing food, take it (unless you have no place for it and it would be thrown away, of course - but most things can be frozen!). I am learning to trust the Holy Spirit in the lives of others. If God puts a random thing on someone's heart, there is probably a reason! And if someone offers, try to take them up on it. Trust God is putting you together for a reason.

For those giving the help, let me share just a few of the many things that our church and extended body of Christ have done very well. I have learned much from them about giving help through this process. 

• Offer. Even if you don't know what you can do, you can offer. You might be surprised what needs you can meet. One of the dearest women in my life works full time and has a full plate as a busy grandma - but she lives close to my local honey source, and she picks up my honey monthly, saving me an errand and getting me home a little earlier.
• Be clear about what you can do. If you are only available for an hour on Monday mornings, say so. Maybe that is the perfect time to pick up an online grocery order for someone. It's much harder to accept help when you don't know what is being offered or when. 
• Listen to the Holy Spirit. I'll never forget the week when a sweet friend told me she wouldn't be available, and then texted me that God had changed her mind by reminding her of something from Bible study. I was humbled and learned from her that part of service is being flexible when the Holy Spirit changes the plans. 
• Find a way not to take no for an answer. I've had friends say, "I'm bringing you food next week; which night is best?" That is much harder to say no to than "Let me know if you need anything." I've also appreciated not having to think about what I need to ask for at times. 
• Stay in it for the long haul. Your circumstances will change. Their needs will change. But make sure they know that as things shift, you are still there. As quickly as this is moving I have changed the plans on our support team so many times, and I anticipate that will continue to be the case! They are all so sweet and sticking with it for the long haul - something I deeply appreciate! 

Being the body of Christ is about far more than Sunday morning worship, Bible study, prayer meetings, and yummy potlucks. In the day-to-day of our lives, it's about carrying one another's burdens to fulfill the law of Christ - the law of love. 

I am eternally grateful for the lessons I have learned from those living out this law of love in our lives through this season.


(This post is part of a series. For additional posts in the series please see #2; #3; #4; #5; #6; #7; #8; #9, #10)

To the church (Ministry in Thessalonians #2)

"Paul, Silas, and Timothy, to the church of the Thessalonians, in God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ: Grace and peace to you." 1 Thessalonians 1:1 (NIV 84)

It's such a simple opening line that we often read over it to get to the meat of the book, but let's rest on the fact that Paul and his team wrote this letter "to the church". While there are epistles addressed to specific individuals, this one was intended for everyone. The fact that he wrote to "the church at Thessalonica" tells us that from the earliest days of Christianity (1 Thessalonians was one of the first books of the New Testament, probably written around 49-50 AD), the church existed in local congregations. Whether individuals came to faith alone (Paul in Acts 9) or with their households (Acts 10) or as part of a mass revival (Acts 2), they were drawn to find each other and gather for teaching, fellowship, communion and other meals, and prayers (Acts 2:42). They relied upon each other for spiritual and practical needs, and they extended their arms to the world around them to such a degree that the emperor Julian complained, "These impious Galileans [i.e. Christians] feed not only their own poor, but ours as well."

Why this emphasis on the local church? Why, despite all the risks, do Christians in lands with few churches still walk hours to services? Why are believers gathering for "birthday parties" that happen to include prayer, worship, and teaching? Why do believers in prison long to encounter another Christian, often more than they long to be released?

When we confess Jesus as Lord, and the Holy Spirit takes residence in our hearts, He brings with Him those things that are on His heart. We can try to suppress it; we can quench the Spirit; but anytime we give Him the tiniest bit of free reign in our lives He will make His heart known. And make no mistake about it: Jesus loves the church. She is His bride. He died for her (Ephesians 5:25-32). He walks among every local church, holding its leaders in His hand (Revelation 1).

The church is not God's Plan B. It's not primarily a place to meet people who share our faith and values. It's not even ultimately about missions or evangelism or discipleship. The church is about God. It's His Plan A to show off His wisdom to heavenly beings. Years after penning the letters we're walking through now, Paul wrote more about the church:

To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things, so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord,in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him. So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory. (Ephesians 3:8-13, ESV)

There it is preserved for all eternity - God shows His wisdom through the church to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places! Those spiritual beings see in the church God's wisdom.

It's a stunning thought, really - and a profound one. What we do, how we respond to the struggles in our lives, the reactions we allow ourselves to demonstrate when no one is around -- are all watched from the heavenlies. We glorify God when we demonstrate His character in such situations, even when no one is watching. When we personally handle difficult people, hard days, disappointments, with grace and love and the fruit of the spirit, then God is glorified as His wisdom is revealed. As "the church", we show God's wisdom when we work in His power and not our own; when we exercise spiritual gifts and work as a body where each part is needed; when we come together in unity around Christ without distinction of our racial, gender, or socio-economic differences.We may not feel like it's anything special, but from a heavenly perspective, God is being glorified in our simple acts of fellowship.

When we engage in ministry, we must keep in mind God's heart for The Church (universal) and churches (local). That doesn't mean every single thing we do has to occur at the church, or be an official church program. It does mean that we should not pursue ministry apart from being in relationship with a local church. It does mean that red flags should go off when we are approached by ministries that have little or no connection to local churches, are led by individuals outside local churches, or do not try to connect believers to local churches.

When we work together the propogation of the Gospel, when we truly see each other as parts of a whole that is needed for kingdom advancement, when our gifts strengthen and edify each other and the churches of which we are part, then God is glorified as His wisdom is made known in the heavenlies.

Jesus made a stunning promise about the local church. He told Peter, “Also I say to you, that you are Kaypha, and upon this stone I shall build my church, and the gates of Sheol will not withstand it.” (Matthew 16:18, Aramaic Bible in Plain English). I chose that translation because it captures the offensive posture of the verse. Jesus wasn't telling Peter that the church can withstand the attacks of hell. He was telling him that hell cannot withstand the attacks of the church! As we move forward for God's kingdom purposes together, the enemy doesn't stand a chance!

To quote Paul, "Grace and peace to you" - as you grow in the love Jesus has for your own church. Never doubt how much it matters.

Holding the Orne River Bridge

Last Sunday, as I try to do every year around the anniversary of D-Day to honor my grandfather's service in that epic battle, we watched "The Longest Day". For the first time I noticed the critical role of a small group of men in holding the Orne River Bridge.

Dropped into Normandy before the rest of the group, they had one objective: Capture and hold the bridge. The success of the entire mission was critical to this one task; without the bridge tanks and supplies could not get into Normandy. The men were charged to "hold until relieved" - no matter how long it took.

This scene left me reflecting on the strategic kingdom assignments God gives us. Sometimes we realize it; most often we don't. We wonder why we are "stuck" in a small area while what we perceive as the "real battle" rages elsewhere. We don't realize that God intends for us to hold the bridge to facilitate the ultimate victory.

Maybe you're fighting a spiritual battle at work. Maybe you're serving faithfully in the church nursery. Perhaps you are on the prayer team for a missionary you perceive as doing the "real work". God might call you into focusing on one person for years, developing a deep relationship for His purposes. From a kingdom perspective, you may just have an assignment within a unit that is holding a key bridge.

God puts together specialized "units" (churches) for His purposes. And He gives specific gifts to individuals in those churches to fulfill those purposes. But it all fits together in an amazing plan that only God can orchestrate.

The failure to hold the Orne River Bridge could have changed the course of history. If the Allieds had not taken Normandy, they may not have been in a position to liberate Europe and the concentration camps. Thankfully we will never know, because the men did hold the bridge and the invasion was a huge success. Though not without casualties, the men did indeed "hold until relieved" - mission accomplished.

Wherever God has placed you, He has a strategic plan in mind. Whether you see the big picture or not, trust that He does. Keep doing the last job He gave you to do - and ask for His grace to "hold until relieved".