I had a bit of a crisis of faith this week.
We had an amazing testimony at church, a story of miraculous healing from stage 4 cancer. I fully believe that God does miracles, and hearing their story in a season of grief was a timely reminder of that truth. But when I went up afterwards to thank one of the speakers, I started crying. I knew that my soul needed reminding of visible miracles, but I was still struggling on a level I didn't even realize with confusion, hurt, and even anger at not getting a visible miracle with my husband's dementia. In fact, it felt like the harder I prayed, the worse things got!
I had a bit of a crisis of faith. Yet as I continued to pray and seek God, I sensed Him calling me to write down some unseen miracles, some of the things that were amazing to our family as we walked through that dementia journey. Here are just a few of them:
- Restoration of relationships
- Unity among me and his kids over every decision
- God took away my resentment and helped me to respond in love even when I was exhausted
- God gradually changed my heart to trust and not fear his death
- God perfectly timed the caregivers that were brought to us to be exactly the personality traits that we needed during that time
- Bob never lost his faith or dishonored God, and grew to love the church in a deep way.
- He remained a worshiper to the very end and the redemption God had done in his life, from a very broken and wounded person with a lot of regrets to someone who just loved Jesus with all that he had, was visible.
- God perfectly timed bringing in hospice to help us when we needed it most.
- We were able to keep him at home which nobody thought we could do at diagnosis.
- We had so much support from our church and my job. Even friends that were just acquaintances before became really close through this process as they walked with us.
- As hard as it was to lose him two and a half weeks before Christmas, I could see God's hand in it because I was able to have an extended time off to catch up on rest before I had to start back to work. Additionally, the money for caregivers was running out and God knew that was a concern of mine. And, as much as I'd love to have him here right now, I'm glad that we're not having to do dementia caregiving in the Covid world.