Perseverance is among the more obvious lessons of caregiving. Caregiving stands out, similar to parenting, in the diligence and patience it requires. From the moment I heard the diagnosis, I knew that I would need to pray for a level of patience I had only previously imagined. I expected that I would need to persevere through bad days, fatigue, confusing communications, and all that goes with a diagnosis of dementia. I was taken aback, though, at the perseverance I needed emotionally and spiritually.
Perseverance to get out of bed and go through the routine ... again.
Perseverance to correct a care partner with kindness and understanding rather than irritation.
Perseverance to care about my own health, continuing to exercise, rest, eat right, and connect with friends.
Perseverance to keep going in ministry outside of caregiving.
Most of all - perseverance to hope, to just. keep. believing. when depression threatens to engulf me.
I'm not prone to mood swings and never struggled with depression until recently, so I wasn't prepared for this aspect of perseverance. Recently we reached a point where there were more bad days than good, and then suddenly we had a couple of great days. I wanted to be thrilled - to just jump up and down with joy - and yet I found myself waiting for the next shoe to drop.
One morning while walking and talking to a friend on the phone, I commented on the extremely bright, hot sun. We'd had a series of cloudy days, and I'd forgotten the feel of that early morning sun beating down on my head. I mentioned that I preferred some clouds. In that moment I realized the parallel to my own caregiving journey. I was actually struggling, like being in the bright sun, because I'd come to be more comfortable with the clouds. Right there on the phone, I repented and told her that isn't who I want to be. I want to be grateful for the sunlight, fully embracing the good days and moments. To hope. To believe.
In studying Scripture on perseverance, I've come to recognize some counterfeits. It's easy to think merely finishing something is perseverance. It's easy to confuse stubbornness for perseverance. The first definition I ever heard, "Stick-to-it-ive-ness", captures part of the meaning, but is itself a counterfeit. Perseverance isn't just about finishing. It's about finishing a God-given task with your faith fully intact. It's closely connected to the idea of faithfulness and, like that trait, is a fruit of the Spirit's work in our lives.
To truly persevere and be faithful in this caregiving journey requires a deeper dependence on the Holy Spirit's power and presence than I have ever imagined. I have to learn over and over the secret Elisabeth Elliot wrote about: "The secret to enduring is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances." I have to learn what Paul wrote, that the link between hope and suffering runs straight through the painful lessons of perseverance.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5 ESV
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