Lessons from Caregiving #3: Shaping

(By Repat - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link)

(This post is part of a series. For previous posts in the series please see #1 and #2.)

As I walk through the last year of my 40s, I have been thinking a lot about what has shaped me. What has made me who I am, at my core? What comes out as my default reactions, and why? 

In my heart of hearts, I will always be a small town girl who grew up on a dirt road. This comes out at odd times, but it has defined me in so many ways. When I realized that I would likely never move from the area where I live now, I immediately found myself finding ways to make it feel smaller to me. 

I've also been profoundly shaped by being the child of disabled parents. I can vividly recall the chill bumps that I got the day I was discussing the Holocaust with my dad. I was in 9th grade and we were just studying that horrific era of history. My dad said nonchalantly, "You realize that if I had been born in Germany in 1939 instead of Arkansas, I would likely not have survived childhood." He knew, as I was learning, that the Germans first victims were the disabled. That conversation lay the groundwork for what would eventually become a strong pro-life ethic with advocacy for individuals with disabilities.

Other experiences and moments have shaped me: The man I married. The day I cried out to God asking to live a life without any more regrets. The church we ultimately ended up choosing. I'm a firm believer that our shaping can continue throughout our lives if we let it, and that we face things that change us forever. 

In this caregiving season, I am realizing that being a caregiver is an incredible shaping opportunity. I first learned this with my mother-in-law, but the shaping is even more deep and profound this time. I'm trying to learn how to let it shape me for the better, and for the long-term. Obviously some of the changes are by neccessity temporary - I won't always have the work schedule adjustments I have now, for example. But other changes I find that I am enjoying and want to take into myself for the long haul. 

I'm learning (slowly!) to live in the moments; to find joy in just being in someone else's presence. I'm learning to be less task-oriented and more relational. I'm learning flexibility in ways that are stretching me. I'm learning about family and all the ways that can look. I'm learning about authentic trust, about a faith that has plenty of room for questions and tears. I'm learning to grieve with hope, but to still grieve. I'm learning to slow down and take things one step at a time. As frustrating as it is, I'm learning to wait. To wait on God to move when I think He should be faster. To wait on answers that don't seem to come. To wait on those days I don't know what I'm waiting for. More than anything else, I'm learning to let this hard thing that I would never choose drive me to Jesus more than ever before. 

Caregiving, like other shaping opportunities, will either make me or break me. I don't want to become bitter and resentful. I want to learn the lessons of this season. I want them to make me more like Jesus, for this to become a before and after shot for me. Scripture tells me how to do this - by focusing on His Word and on Jesus Himself. May I do this well, for His glory.

Romans 12:2 NET - (2) Do not be conformed to this present world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may test and approve what is the will of God - what is good and well-pleasing and perfect. 

2 Corinthians 3:18 NET - (18) And we all, with unveiled faces reflecting the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another, which is from the Lord, who is the Spirit.