I've lost it. I'm no longer effective. My prayers hit the ceiling ... my sermons are flat ... words of encouragement fail me ... I can't understand the Scripture I study ... how can I possibly be of use to God after ____________________?
That sick feeling in the pit of your stomach tells you something's wrong, but you just can't fix it. There's no blatant sin in your life; you aren't harboring a secret sin; and yet things are "off". Are such times really indicators of an ineffective ministry?
Each of us has to work through these seasons on our own. Only at the feet of Jesus will we discern if the struggle is spiritual attack (Satan would love to put us out of commission), emotional (fatigue and the stresses of the field can weigh us down), physical, or a combination. It's possible that we do need to change something spiritually - perhaps God will reveal an area of unseen disobedience. But it's also likely that we will learn a much-needed truth: While God always cares for the minister as much as those he or she ministers to, God also is not bound by how we feel about our effectiveness. In fact, as we all have learned, God often ministers through us not because of us, but in spite of us.
In spite of us. In spite of the weaknesses of our flesh, which give up far too easily. In spite of choices we make to obey one scripture which seems to cause us to disobey another. In spite of a lack of perfect understanding, where we know that only God knows the right answer and we do the best we can, in heartfelt obedience to His word, and wish we'd made a different choice later. In spite of us.
John Newton, the famous hymn-writer of "Amazing Grace", is known for eventually repudiating the slave trade. Yet he continued to be involved for several years after his conversion. Biblical heroes had feet of clay as well. David was an adulterer and murderer. Peter denied Christ and was, shall we say, impetuous? Elijah suffered depression. Feet of clay, all of them.
What made their ministry effective is the same thing that will make yours and mine effective - and it's not a 12-step formula. In the nitty-gritty of faith lived out daily, "where the rubber meets the road", as we walk with God through the power of the Spirit in the best of our understanding, He brings the effectiveness as only He can - for His glory. We all realize, often at our "best" moments, that what was done was totally God, because we know where we were. This is not an excuse for unpreparedness or lackadaisical Christianity - instead, the confidence that God is taking it upon Himself to bring effectiveness for His glory and kingdom purposes, should encourage us to do our part in that process.
The Apostle Paul put it this way:
Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart....
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
(2 Cor. 4:1, 7)
These verses - the foundational passage for this blog - remind me continually that "my" ministry is really God's - and was given to me by His mercy. It keeps me from losing heart, reminding me that the whole purpose of this "treasure" - the Holy Spirit - in my jar of clay is to show the power is God's, not mine. If He can be glorified in my weakness, so be it. The effectiveness of the ministry will only be increased in the long run.
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