Blindsided

Anyone close to me knows that near the top of the list of things that I don't appreciate is being blindsided. Unlike some who prefer to know as little as possible until they have to face something, I can handle just about anything if I have a little heads up and time to process, if we can talk about it, if I know it's coming. I want more information, not less. Unfortunately, life doesn't always cooperate with my preferences. 

Most of the time, my good, good Father prepares my heart for hard things. He whispers ahead of time so I'm not blindsided. He gently guides me toward hard directions. He gives me His peace before, during, and after the storms of life. 

Yet there have been times I have been left reeling - from unexpected phone calls that brought tragic news; from a diagnosis that changed everything; from memories that felt like gut-punches; from shocking facts about people that I had trusted; from the realities of life. I know you have as well. But I have come to realize that there are plenty of good ways that I have been blindsided as well. 

I have been blindsided by grace. God's unmerited favor broke through my defenses, tore down my arguments, and embraced me with His love. I wasn't seeking Him, but He came looking for me. It wasn't logical, and it wasn't fair. I call it "weird grace." One of my favorite songs says, "He's not fair, no He's not fair, when He fixes what's beyond repair, and graces every one who don't deserve." The undeserved nature of grace is the very definition of weird, and the most beautiful way I have been blindsided. 

I have been blindsided by mercy. When I was struggling the most, when my faith was limited to just holding on to John 6:68 and getting through the day with Jesus, He never judged me or condemned me. Quite the opposite. His mercy met me where I was, triumphing over the lies of the enemy that screamed at me that my faith was weak. He gave me His Word that told me no, just holding on to Jesus when it doesn't make sense is the victory. 

I have been blindsided by love. When I have struggled the most with sin and simple human frailty, I have felt His love the closest. I have never once sought forgiveness without feeling His arms of love surround me. When I wasn't looking, He brought love near to me and gave me hope for the future. He has pursued me and, "every time I wrestle with His promises He wins my heart all over again." 

I don't think I will ever stop preferring not to be blindsided. But in this new season of life, as I learn to trust that there can be "good surprises," I want to also remember that I have been blindsided in good ways as well. I never want to get over being in relationship with a God who delights to surprise me with grace, mercy, love, and so much more.