Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Psalm 131

My heart is not proud, O Lord,
My eyes are not haughty.
I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul.
Like a weaned child with its mother,
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
Both now and forevermore.
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I've struggled with this Scripture ever since I first read it. Frankly, it's one of those that pours forth as a prayer more easily than a statement.

I have always concerned myself with big questions. As a child, when I asked "Why is the sky blue?" I was unsatisfied with "Just because". I couldn't understand why it wasn't orange, or brown. There was always one more "Why?" behind my questions (and I was very excited to learn later about refraction!).

I don't know why God made me this way, but He did. As an adult I've had to learn to bring that under the control of the Holy Spirit, to approach my questions from a foundation of faith. That didn't happen right away -- first, I laid aside everything I'd grown up with and then began to pick it up, one "truth" at a time, and examine its validity. God wisely started me out with resources that helped me gain a strong conviction in the inspiration of Scripture. From that starting point, by God's grace I established my faith as my own in a way that fit who God made me to be. My faith is deep and real, but it is intellectually honest. Simply put, I think that the truth of Christianity is the most logical, reasonable things you'll ever come across. Lived out in a worldview that applies its teachings, it will "turn the world upside down".

But all this questioning hasn't stopped. I still wonder about the big questions. I'm opinionated by nature and if I don't have an opinion, my tendency is to research and learn so I can develop an informed perspective. So when I started memorizing this Psalm, my first comment to God was that I wasn't sure that was true in my life. I didn't think I was proud or haughty, but I was pretty sure I concern myself with lots of great matters and things too wonderful for me. Almost immediately God brought one of my favorite Scriptures to mind:

The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law. (Deut. 29:29)

The things revealed. God has given us His Word. He wants us to understand it. When I ask questions about Scripture, when I seek to truly understand what something means or how to live out a truth or whether something is culturally bound or applicable today, I'm not dealing with "great matters". I'm dealing with "things revealed." Based on God's reaction to people who asked about current events and the facts before them, I think even those questions that stem from observing the world around me fall into the "things revealed" category. (See for example Daniel, Habakkuk, Mary and the disciples.)

But what about Zechariah, who questioned the angel and was struck mute for 9 months. Zechariah is a favorite example of those who fear that asking God questions amounts to questioning God. I have come to see this as the issue reflected in verse 2 of Psalm 131: our soul must be "like a weaned child". That speaks of trust. Why does the Psalmist refer to a weaned child -- one no longer nursing? A nursing child cries and wails until it is fed. A weaned child, though, knows that Mom will take care of dinner. There is a trust that simply saying, "I'm hungry" will be sufficient.

God doesn't want me to quit asking questions. He just wants all the questions to come from a place of trust. A place of "hope in the Lord". He wants me to rest in His character and know His heart, even when things don't make sense. Notice I said that our faith is reasonable. That doesn't mean it is always logical from an earthly perspective. Indeed, it's a counter-cultural, upside down life where the way to success is servanthood, the want to overcome doubts is to step out in faith, and needs are met by sacrificing for others. To live that life I have to have a firm conviction in something unshakeable -- the character of God. There will always be a lot of questions. The one thing I'll never have to question, though, is Him.

So now I rest in the knowledge that I don't concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. Those are the secret things -- and I know the One who holds them in His hand. I learned about Him through the things He has revealed.

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