Longing

 

We, however, are free citizens of Heaven, and we are waiting with longing expectation for the coming from Heaven of a Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ (Philippians 3:20, WNT)

Wait. 

There is something in our fallen human nature that doesn't like that word. I don't know about you, but I'd rather hear "no" from God if I can't hear "yes", because "wait" feels Way. Too. Hard. 

I've written about waiting before on here, in a different context. I still believe there is much to be learned in general while we are waiting on answered prayers, or guidance, or any number of waitings in life. But these days, I've been walking through this more personally, as I am doing plenty of waiting in light of our upcoming wedding - waiting on wedding appointments, waiting on the day to get here, waiting to experience biblical oneness, waiting on the day we begin our lives together and no longer say goodnight from separate residences. I am learning anew that waiting really is hard! My fiance and I have intentionally chosen to use the phrase "eagerly anticipating" rather than "can't wait" - we want the reminder that this is a positive process, and that we can wait in His strength. But it's still hard. 

As Rich Mullins wrote in "The Love of God" - we are tested and made worthy during life's challenges, but it is all within the love of God. As my fiance and I have intentionally leaned in to the benefits of waiting, we have learned so many things. We have learned that God speaks to us in the longing. We have seen ministry opportunities open up specifically because we were obedient in the waiting. We have learned that it is our flesh that wants to avoid the pain of waiting - just as we tend to want to avoid any suffering - but to avoid suffering means we also avoid the growth. We avoid the very thing that can draw us closer to Him. 

As I have leaned into the hard and studied God's word about waiting, I have learned how deeply connected it is to longing. When we "expect something fully", we wait for it with longing. When my parents lived hours away and would come visit, I would hear every door that slammed, every car that drove by, and run to see if it was them. I longed to see them and fully expected them to show up. In the same way, I "fully expect" to walk down the aisle less than a month from now and take covenant vows in front of our covenant community with my groom-to-be. We know this will happen - and yet we long for the arrival of that day. 

As I studied the words for waiting in both the Hebrew Old Testament and Greek New Testament, I was astonished to learn how deeply these words capture the emotions associated with this season of waiting: 

• To fix the eyes and mind on a thing; to "hunt" for it
• To be strong, robust, gathered and bound together
• To wait with patience and trust
• To give unremitting care
• To show one's self courageous
• To be in constant readiness for something
• To expect fully
• To not depart
• To be pained
• To receive to oneself, admit, give access to oneself

All of this boils down to one thing for me: Biblical waiting is inextricably linked to longing. Simply put, we wait with longing for what is worth waiting on. As we have focused on our upcoming marriage as a picture of Christ and the church, we are learning that wrapped up in our waiting is a picture of the longing the church should have for her Groom. We should wait "with longing expectation" because He is worth it. As we wait, we have been drawn closer into His presence - and we're learning that is indeed the point after all.

 

Joy and sorrow are this ocean
And in their every ebb and flow
Now the Lord a door has opened
That all Hell could never close
Here I'm tested and made worthy
Tossed about but lifted up
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God