"Not What I Signed Up For"

One of the most challenging things in my Christian life is saying "yes" to God thinking it means one thing, then realizing that He meant something entirely different altogether.

The specific circumstances aren't what's important - I've experienced the theme often enough to know that sometimes God is going to throw me a curveball. He's going to ask me to say "Yes" to something, knowing full well that I'm not ready for all the facts. He keeps me on a need-to-know basis. And sometimes, the results leave me crying out, "This is not what I signed up for!"

You may have experienced this as well. A child with a disability. A parent hit with Alzheimer's far too early. A reassignment on the field taking you away from what you thought God wanted you to do. A health trauma with a loved one. All those things which leave you wondering what God is up to and why He couldn't have clued you in earlier.

In my own life I've come to see these times as God drawing me closer to Him. He knows that I am going to need to communicate constantly with Him, and He makes me clearly aware the He is in control, not me, and that I am just His tool. It's not "my" ministry, "my" plans, "my" gifts ... it's all about Him, and times that are far beyond me serve as a vivid reminder of my dependence on Him. They point out that I am the vessel and He the potter. Not the other way around.

And yet through it all He is so full of love and grace and mercy. At those times of desperation I cry out like the Rich Mullins song "Hold me Jesus/I'm shaking like a leaf/You have been my king of glory/Won't you be my Prince of Peace." And He responds.

Because you see, He has already said Yes to me. 2 Cor. 1:19-20 tells us "For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you, Silvanus and Timothy and I, was not Yes and No, but in him it is always Yes. For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory." Jesus is God's YES to me ... so all my yeses to Him are a response to His ultimate Yes.

Oh, how glad I am He didn't tell the Father, "This is not what I signed up for!" on the way to the cross ... how He doesn't say "This is not what I signed up for!" when I fail ... how He never points to me in frustration but always in love. Even His hard lessons are from a heart of love.

Do I expect Him to stop throwing curveballs? No ... because He knows that I can't handle seeing the depth of the problems at once. Like a loving Father, He will continuet to reveal what He knows I'm ready to say Yes to. And He will continue to give me more than I never signed up for. Things like unexpected mercy. Profound demonstrations of His presence. Grace abounding. And Love without measure.

May He reveal Himself in unexpected surprises today!