Aiming in the Dark

  

Recently, to celebrate our five-month wedding anniversary, my husband and I went to a local archery range. We had a lot of fun and learned a lot about the sport - but I wasn't anticipating the biggest lesson that has been working its way deep into my bones ever since. 

The photo on the left represents my best effort; the one on the right, my husband's. Not that surprising - unless you know that my husband is legally blind, and was shooting  from the same distance as me. While he could generally see the target area and the colors, he was unable to "take aim" by sighting along the arrow as I did. He's also not significantly more experienced than me. While he did do archery at the academy for the blind he attended in middle school, he hasn't fired an arrow since. I shot with my brother during his Boy Scout years. We were both essentially newbies. 

Yet I watched in amazement, hearing his solid "thuds" piercing the target while many of mine landed on the floor. I soon realized the difference: While I was focusing on lining up with the target, he was of necessity focusing on the fundamentals. He had absorbed quickly every lesson on how to hold the bow, align the arrow, position his hands, and fire. I had to be reminded multiple times of each basic lesson. 

As I processed this, a spiritual truth began to emerge: When we have times of darkness, of uncertainty, of a lack of clarity about what to do, we will have much better aim when we are solid in our fundamentals. Not every problem we face will have a "chapter and verse" answer from Scripture. Sometimes we have to take what we know to do, line up the "shot", take aim, pull back, and make the decision. Sometimes we will go in a direction and realize we are off target; the fundamentals will help us line up and try again. 

So what are these fundamentals? Certainly, they include the basic doctrines of our faith. Settling questions in times of clarity can help us hold firmly to truth in times of struggle. Those who know me know I don't shy away from these questions - and I don't think you should either. Long ago, I dealt with basic questions about the authority and inerrancy of Scripture; from there I delved into the deity and humanity of Jesus, the Trinity, the attributes of God. To be clear, I didn't have all these questions answered when I started walking with the Lord. The moment of salvation for me was the beginning of a process of knowing and understanding Him. But I did spend several years digging into these questions to settle the fundamentals. If you haven't done so, I urge you to ask the questions. My Bible 101 series is designed to help you gain confidence in God's Word so you can dig in to deeper questions like these. 

Beyond doctrine, however, there are fundamentals that should be part of our Christian walk. Daily communion with the Lord through prayer, worship, and Scripture helps to orient me. I can't even attempt to aim in the dark if I'm not facing the right direction! The dailyness of my relationship with Him keeps me heading in the right general direction, and positions me to receive from His Word general principles or specific truths relevant to my situation. Regular gathering with other believers, sitting under the preaching of a Gospel-centered pastor, keeps me from veering off to one side or the other. Those deeper relationships that develop within the body act like the instructor at our class, reminding me of the fundamentals, encouraging or correcting me as needed, and celebrating my successful aim. They can't pull the bow for me, but they can do everything possible to help me aim well. They help me know truth by which I can better discern error. 

As we grow in our relationship with the Lord, the times we feel we are "aiming in the dark" may actually increase. I am convinced this is one way that He helps us understand we are progressing with Him. Just as a parent provides a toddler much more explicit guidelines in decision-making ("you can pick this shirt or that one") than they do a teenager ("what electives do you plan to take?"), so God grows us in our ability to discern and sense His guidance. However, no matter how mature we become, we will never lose our need for the fundamentals. In fact, as our archery class taught me, the dimmer my view of the target, the more important the fundamentals become.

Older Brother Syndrome

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’  The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”     - Luke 11:25-32

I have to confess that some days, it feels like the older brother gets a bad rap. 

All older siblings (like myself) know the inherent "unfairness" associated with being our parents' guinea pig. They get to learn on us ... and mess up on us ... and get a do-over with our younger siblings. In our fallen human nature, it's hard to watch as our siblings have it "easier" than we do. (Of course, sometimes that very "ease" leads to its own problems, since God has created us in such a way that difficulties become part of what shapes us.)

I don't know about you, but I can go for weeks in my normal routine, my typical "responsible" mode, and then come up against one of those days ...

...when somebody drops the ball and it lands in my lap

...when I am "unfairly" judged for something others do all the time

...when it feels like I alone am indispensable

...when everyone else says "no", and my inner sense of responsibility pushes a reluctant "yes" out of my lips

Suddenly on those days I realize, as the words of a song I couldn't find said, "Some days I'm the prodigal/some days I'm the older brother." On my "older brother" days I realize I have more in common with the Pharisees, to whom Jesus was directing this parable and who the older brother represents, than I really want to admit. I find myself seeing the logic of the earlier workers in Jesus' parable of the vineyard workers - of course they should get paid more, having worked hard all day and not just a couple of hours! 

And then the truth hits me like a ton of bricks: I realize I am nullifying the grace of God, not living by faith but living in my own sense of right and wrong, my own strength, my own righteousness. As much as I hate to admit it, there is still some Pharisee in me to be purged out. It might not come out in the form of legalism like we see in the Gospels, but it does rear its ugly head in the form of "older brother syndrome". "I'm the responsible one, I deserve better" is just a subtle form of spiritual pride. 

Ouch! Talk about conviction! Oh, but the wonderful news, as a speaker at a conference once said, is that when we realize something is sin, we know what to do with it! Turn to Jesus in repentance, and allow His love to fill me to the point that I give of myself to others out of love instead of duty. Then walk in a lifestyle of repentance by resisting all forms of that spiritual pride that is characterized by impatience with others who are in a different place than me, by nitpicking small errors, by always having to know or be able to find the answer, by feeling that I am indispensable. Walk in grace, remembering that I could have all knowledge, but without love, I am nothing. 

You came for criminals

And every Pharisee

You came for hypocrites

Even ones like me

Thank you, Jesus. "The cross meant to kill is my victory" - even over older brother syndrome.